How to Heal from a Broken Heart in a Conscious Way with Solei Costa
By Miri Lenoff
·June 18, 2026
Heartbreak is one of the most universally human experiences and one of the least talked about honestly. Everyone has advice. Almost none of it addresses what is actually happening or what actually helps.
Solei Costa has built her coaching around this territory. Her approach is grounded in a simple but powerful idea: you do not get over heartbreak by avoiding it. You get through it by processing it with intention.
What Heartbreak Actually Is
Heartbreak is grief. When a relationship ends, you are not just losing a person. You are losing a future you had imagined, a version of yourself in that relationship, a set of daily structures and comforts that organized your life.
Treating it like anything less than grief means applying solutions that do not match the problem. Moving on quickly, staying busy, jumping into something new: these approaches can delay the process but they cannot replace it.
The Difference Between Processing and Dwelling
Solei is careful to distinguish between consciously processing pain and getting stuck in it. They feel different from the inside and they lead to different outcomes.
Processing means allowing yourself to feel what you feel, understand what happened, extract what the experience is teaching you, and gradually integrate the loss into a larger story about your life. It is active, even when it is painful.
Dwelling is the loop. The same thoughts repeating without resolution. The constant rehearsing of what went wrong or what could have been different. It generates pain without movement.
The goal is processing, not avoidance and not dwelling.
Healing Consciously
Conscious healing means choosing to move through the pain with awareness rather than running from it or drowning in it. It means making decisions about how you spend your time and attention that support rather than undermine the healing.
This includes being honest about what the relationship actually was, not just the version you are grieving. It includes understanding what needs you were meeting through that relationship and how you might meet those needs in other ways. It includes not outsourcing your self-worth to whether someone chose to stay.
Every Ending Contains a Beginning
Solei works with clients on something that sounds obvious but is genuinely hard to believe while you are in the middle of it: every ending makes space for something new.
This is not a platitude. It is a structural reality. The relationship that ended was taking up space, time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. Some of what it was taking was worth giving. Some of it was not. When it ends, you get all of it back.
What you do with that space is the real question. And it can only be answered once you have actually moved through the grief rather than around it.
Watch the full conversation with Solei Costa on the Known Success Coaches Spotlight.